Master the science of quarrel

No matter how they adjust their psychology in their family life, there will inevitably be contradictions. If they are not handled well, the contradictions will intensify and both sides will quarrel.

Under normal circumstances, the relationship between people is in a state of balance, and people's psychology is also in a state of balance. If there is a quarrel between husband and wife, then people's psychology is in a state of imbalance.

Carnegie pointed out that a heart to heart quarrel can further consolidate friendship. A partner who never quarrels knows best that their relationship is easy to break. It's just to maintain the relationship that they avoid quarrels.

But how should a couple deal with a quarrel?

First of all, it's better not to quarrel between husband and wife. When one side is angry, the other side should not "point the needle at the wheat", "tooth for tooth". It's also easy to restore a friendly atmosphere when there's no quarrel. If there is a quarrel, it may get out of hand.

However, if an unfortunate quarrel breaks out, after the quarrel, you can say whatever you want to say at home and do what you want to do. At this time, do not ignore each other. If nothing happens after a quarrel, then the psychological balance will soon recover. If we ignore each other, the time of losing psychological balance will last longer.

Secondly, we should distinguish "good" quarrel from "bad" quarrel. A malicious quarrel is like a fight in the mire. The problem that causes the quarrel is often put aside, and the quarreler only quarrels for the sake of quarreling. A kind quarrel is to speak out according to certain rules around the focus of the problem. Here are a few tips that have proved to be worth following in the course of an argument:

(1) Don't hurt each other. Everyone has a psychological line of defense, and attacks on others can not surpass this line of defense, otherwise the contradiction will be intensified.

(2) We should find out our own shortcomings and respect others.

(3) Every quarrel should have a goal, that is, to solve a specific problem. Everything should revolve around this goal. Even if there is no unity in the quarrel, we must clarify our respective views.

(4) There's no point in arguing over old accounts. The cause of a friendly quarrel is always a real problem, a problem occurring here and now.